I don’t know what to do.
My girlfriend and I broke up a couple months ago. We were very close friends before we were together. When we broke up we mentioned briefly that we should go back to being friends, but we would be distant for a while. Around that time I stopped doing everything I normally did. I stopped going to yoga, rock climbing, and music night. All the things that I loved to do. All the things I looked forward to every week. This wasn't out of sadness or hurt. It was because I wanted to see what things I really needed in my life and what I would be without them.
This week I've decided that I need to start putting these things back into my life. The first thing I was planning on doing was to start going back to the Sunday morning yoga class that she used to teach but had to give up due to school.
On a whim, I decided that I should see if it was still the same type of yoga class or if they had changed it to another type of yoga. When I looked up the schedule online, I saw that she is teaching the class again. I immediately got a pit in my stomach. Even though we had a pretty mild breakup, I've had nearly no contact with her since that conversation and it seems as if she wants minimal (if any) contact. I want to remain friends with her and I thought that's what she wanted too, but I don't want to see her before we're both ready. I don't want to invade her space or have my yoga practice compromised by the situation. I need to get back into a regular yoga practice, but now that she's teaching, I don't know what to do. Do I just go for me and see how it goes, or should I avoid her on purpose and go to another class?
I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time. I can tell that you're in an emotionally fragile place. I also can tell that you just want to get on with restoring your life to the way it was before.
The hard truth is, though, that your life will not go back to the way it was and holding onto the hope of getting back to that life is going to hold you back from all the wonderful possibilities that are in store for you.
You need to let go of the expectation that she will remain in your life. You need to let go of this Sunday morning yoga class routine. And you need to let go of her.
If finding out that she is teaching a class that you were going to go to was all it takes for you to have to run for advice, you are definitely not ready to have any interaction with her.
My advice is to find an equally healthy Sunday morning routine and start that tomorrow instead. There are lots of healthy, uplifting activities that you can do on Sundays in place of yoga. Go to a farmers market, go grab coffee or brunch with a friend. Maybe find a non-profit that you can volunteer at.
You don't have to give up on yoga or rock climbing or anything else that you love doing. If you run into her, then you run into her, but don't intentionally go be in the same room as her. At least not yet. Do yoga on a different day, a different time or a different studio all together.
I hope this helps.
Thank you for your insight. It is definitely not what I was expecting to hear, but I think it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I took your advice. I invited a friend to go to a farmers' market and a coffee shop with me. I had a good time. The farmers' market didn't have what I was looking for, but I enjoyed the walking and conversation.
When I first read your advice that I need to let go of the past, and any expectations of the future, I immediately recognized it as what I truly need. And with that recognition, I felt a certain peace, relief, and lightness that my heart hasn't felt in a while. As much as I'd love to believe otherwise, I know that this is not going to happen overnight. This is going to be a process, but today helped a lot.